DMSC: Today we had lunch in the lunch room. It is hella hot in the office. I think the admin has decided that they would save a lot of money if they turned the air conditioning off on us. Unfortunately, they feel like maybe the LUNCH ROOM (which is only used maybe 10% of the day) should be cold while the rest of the office should be like 84 degrees.
"IG": I still can't remember my password to this place.
DMSC: Thank you, APOO and IG, for keeping me company at lunchtime.
"IG": Let's see, what could my password be..... freezergau? stupidresidentmanager?
DMSC: My and APOO's lunch were home lunches, while IG had a frozen lunch. Obviously nothing worthy of photos.
"IG": ......acupuncturerules? rawfishsucks? ilovetendon?
Once upon a time, there was a boring office located in Downtown Honolulu (within walking distance of Chinatown) where everyone ate lunch "in" all the time. One day Island Guy, Angelpoo and Death Metal Soccer Coach didn't have anything to eat, so they decided to go out to grab some lunch. They had a fourth lunch co-hort, who stopped having lunch with the group because his life was cut short by a bizarre gardening accident. Together, this unlikely trio has soldiered on and braved the elements to venture to Chinatown every Friday, and have been yelled at, ripped off, and called names by shop owners around town.
Here, we present to you, is the intrepid trio, with bios written and edited by each other:
ISLAND GUY (IG)
When you were a kid, did anyone ever tell you the story of the stork bringing the baby to the front doorstep? Well, Island Guy was brought by the stork, but was accidentally dropped off at a nudist beach he likes to call Hubba Hubba.
Moving away to the blustery land of 10,000 lakes and Swedes, IG maintained his love of Chinese food. However, a longing for the nudist beaches of Hawaii brought IG back a few years ago.
IG is distinguished for being able to walk at speeds faster than a Segway, and for his amazing ability to focus on Friday lunches at the start of the workweek. However, he can tell you all of the best places to buy groceries in Chinatown!
IG is hampered by an inability to properly pronounce "Satanic" and won't eat anything with preservatives in it. And he's not a big fan of tendon or raw fish either.
Usually on a Monday morning, IG will walk over to APOO's and DMSC's desks and ask "Where are we going for lunch on Friday?"
ANGELPOO (APOO)
One day back in the early days of the Reagan era, an angel from the heavens above made a glorious poo in the shape of a pineapple bun. This is the day the world was blessed with, yes, you guessed it, Angelpoo. Hailing from San Jose by way of Hong Kong, APOO's bilingual ability has been a tremendous asset when it comes time to order at the Chinese restaurants that we usually frequent. The exercising of her bilingual ability also got her called "weir [weird]" by a shop owner in Chinatown. What's wrong with speaking Chinglish?
APOO's mood can switch from "I'm having a horrible day" to "THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER" just by eating. This makes her pleasant to be around (though only after lunch).
You can always tell when APOO is angry: she will squint her eyes, frown and shake one fist at you. Watch out if she shakes TWO fists at you!!
APOO has been a missionary of Chinese food, specifically dim sum, to all her non-chinese friends. She believes in all that is dim sum, sweet or salty, should be enjoyed as the main course, and to think of them as appetizers or desserts is a disgrace to the Chinese culture.
Spicy foods are like kryptonite to APOO. She also used to love eating pork, until one day IG explained to her that pork was made out of little piggies. APOO has not eaten pork since. Peanuts will also do APOO in.
DEATH METAL SOCCER COACH (DMSC)
Born in Hell (Los Angeles) and raised by wolves, DMSC moved to Hawaii at the wee age of 28 (that's 4 in human years). Handicapped only by his inability to eat shellfish and gross things (generally, a chicken foot or two never hurt, but those aren't gross, are they?), DMSC generally likes food from all over the globe. Though his claims of shellfish allergies have become mighty suspect to his peers in the group, who have seen him peel away shrimp from his siu mai and eat it, no problem.
The only one who thinks he is "sane" in the group, DMSC rarely ever chooses the lunchtime destination or items at lunchtime, because he thinks the other two are so dominant, but really, he is just plain lazy. However, on the rare occasion that he wants a vegetable or two, APOO won't let him hear the end of it.
The desperate desire of wanting to become a Chinese is shown through DMSC's constant and effortless imitation of the Chinese accent. What he doesn't know is the danger of performing such act in a Chinese dominated community, and the possibility of getting bonked in the head with a rolling pin by an angry Chinese woman. APOO can't wait to see that.
DMSC does not always count his change, so he sometimes gets ripped off by restaurant owners who take advantage of his post meal bliss. Or does this only happen when Chef Chai is in the house?
3 comments:
This is super funny! IG is totally oblivious to everything, which is usually the case.
It's funny, we can totally start up a conversation and he will change the subject and talk about food. I think his brain only has the capacity to think about what he is going to eat. And after lunch he makes us hurry up because he doesn't want to take a long lunch hour.
You guys are too funny... Too funny for your own good! :D
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